I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
