dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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