is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
