im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
