It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
