I cockslap morals
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
