Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
