you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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