I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
