Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
