It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
