it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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