I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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