I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
