Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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