i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
