Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
