I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
