Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize