happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
