dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
