I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
