I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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