So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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