dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
