apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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