i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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