He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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