smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
