i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
