Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
