I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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