i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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