At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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