Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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