Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Bring me that man meat
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
