Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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