in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
