Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
