I think I died a long time ago.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
