: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
