dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
