I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
