your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
