I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
