Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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