I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
