I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
