According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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