hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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