Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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