Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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