You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You need Xanax blowdarts
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
