I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
