Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
