Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize