The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize