He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I want is dick and wine.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
