we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
