so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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